Saturday, June 4, 2011


i didn't know how hard i try not to remember you
and how successful i've become
adept really , , ,
quite stellar
i didn't know how hard i try not to remember you
not to remember your voice
reassuring, smooth & over-easy-brown from the 5237.2 miles away
i try not to remember the happiness . .  crystal pure-poppy happiness
drop me to my knees happiness
that came with the surrender
the sureness
i try hard to not remember
the playlist of our connection
every month of our being
the soundtrack of relationship
sophomoric & erotic
how funny is that ?
giddily ridiculous & orange-pekoe-wise
collide ;
whispers of gods & lovers, hemingway & guinness  & gaga
sweat & anal beads
sweet baby james & beowulf
dragons & orbs
contrast of age against habit habit habit
thrill against routine & the expected
in acknowledgement of the hardness, lies the recognition of the missing ,,,,
the hole has changed  - no longer jagged & sharp
it it cold
devoid of canterbury bells & lichen
along it's scar
it does not smell of honeyed sunshine man-skin
it smells of ice
polar ice, like where-nobody-can-live-ice
i haven't even thought of that hole for some time now
felt that fracture
and i almost miss the sharpness
the sting of the wound
the keening of the sorrow
almost .....
has my heart grown harder ? smaller ?  more fragile ?
no, it has actually grown brighter . rounder . fuller.
fragile - yes.
which is why
i try hard to not remember you


  1. "I didn't know how hard I try not to remember you." That line right there just gets me. And then you say it again and the aching gets deeper and then at the end, oh man. I LOVE this poem. THank you thank you thank you.

  2. thanks Hope. . . this means more than you know :)

  3. You are talented to the nines. Every poem I read I see myself... I feel the tones, the colors, the scents, the rough the smooth. The words make me smile, cry, and laugh. Then they sober me. Reality is stark and your poems an escape.

  4. Soozie,

    You speak for me... How many of us are there? I traveled 8438.221 miles to flee the exquisite pain that penetrated my lonely, colorless existence, a pain I deeply desired yet fought furiously to deny. I know now I will love him forever... I will never forget the "sureness" of that moment I knew we were to be together forever, the "playlists" that fueled our adrenalin kaleidoscope love, the "soundtrack" of our lives as a Turner Classic Movie... the fields of gold, fighting the dragons of our lives and forever being his treasure... a pearl of great price...

  5. " a pearl of great price " ... understood. thank you .