or tangled painting of words
this
this
is merely a story ..... and i have always struggled with the sharing of it
some writing comes easy for me;
some writing comes easy for me;
the conveying of thought & emotion of some enchanted
possessed journey of the heart & soul--things full
of cosmic images & poignant leaps of faith
yet telling a tale so personal
that bleeds & is so vastly different comes with difficulty
42 years ago this December
my first husband Chuck & i were hit by a drunk driver
newly married
newly married
living away from home in a big city
-- 21 and a half years young
we had been at a work christmas party
-- 21 and a half years young
we had been at a work christmas party
and strangely didn't have anything to drink that night
this was slightly unusual for us,,
but Chuck had a couple beers earlier that day at a bronco game
and i had to work very early the next morning
the hosts made jest by pouring milk into wine glasses
it was rather hilarious.
both our memories shut down that night,
it was rather hilarious.
both our memories shut down that night,
as we stood on our friends front porch
in a light, freezing drizzle discussing (mildly arguing) where we parked the car
the next thing i knew
the next thing i knew
i was lying down in a too bright, too cold space
with lots of hustle & worry in the air
someone told me Chuck had been transported to another hospital
as he had sustained a severe head injury
my right femur was completely shattered--as i had been thrown
thru the windshield then ricocheted back into the car
(i was not wearing a seat belt--it didn't work actually
but i had on this thick, long, heavy fur coat of my mom's
that coat probably saved my life)
certain moments of that time
42 years ago
still seem like yesterday;
the look on the faces of my mom & dad as they entered the room
the sudden awakening to pain
the gentle & remarkable touch from all the caregivers
the HUGE amount of love that poured forth from Chuck's family
OOH his sisters!!
the immediate anger & shock from our friends that then morphed into this loving encompassing humor & vigilance
and i so remember
and i so remember
lying in that bed & watching the sparkly snow at night
and the surrender of all control to something more
something bigger
some serendipitous things later surfaced--
some serendipitous things later surfaced--
that there was an ambulance
a block away that saw the accident happen
that in a big major-metro area
they took us to a hospital where a dear doctor/friend happened to be the one on call & he recognized us immediately
and of course the magic of the big fur coat
ultimately,
ultimately,
i would have hypnosis to recall & deal with the trauma from that night in a more healthy, more positive fashion
ultimately,
i would continue to search for release from the trauma and I would find it
though i would still feel the vibrations of that event 42 years later in oh so many ways
life is amazing
and sometimes the balls are fun & easy to catch
and there is blue sky all around
... and sometimes the balls are too fast & furious
... and sometimes the balls are too fast & furious
and we might not catch them at all
sometimes we
sometimes we
grab & hold on fast
and the game continues until the next bobble or bump
and sometimes we just have to let go
hold our arms wide & hope
obviously, there are many layers of meaning & story here
(like the drinking & driving thing)
but there is so much more
hold fast to those stories that come your way...
listen, laugh & love with all your heart
hold fast to those stories that come your way...
listen, laugh & love with all your heart
