Monday, February 28, 2011

For December 13th ....

this is no poetic rambling, or tangled painting of words.
this is merely a story ..... and i struggled with the sharing of this.
some writing comes easy for me ; the conveying of thought & emotion of some enchanted, possessed journey of the heart & soul - things full of cosmic images & poignant leaps of faith .... yet telling a tale so personal that bleeds & is so vastly different comes with difficulty… 
30 years ago this past December, my first husband Chuck & i were hit by a drunk driver. 
newly married, living away from home in a big city
- 21 and a half years young. 
we had been at a work christmas party, and strangely didn't have anything to drink that night. this was slightly unusual for us,, but Chuck had a couple beers earlier that day at a bronco game and i had to work very, very early the next morning. the hosts made jest by pouring milk into wine glasses. 
it was rather hilarious. 
both our memories shut down that night, as we stood on our friends front porch in a light, freezing drizzle discussing ( mildly arguing ) where we parked the car. .... 
the next thing i knew, i was lying down in a too bright, cold space with lots of hustle & worry in the air. Chuck had sustained a severe head injury and was transported to another hospital. my right femur was completely shattered, as i had been thrown thru the windshield then ricocheted back into the car. i was not wearing a seat belt - it didn't work actually, but i had on this thick, heavy fur coat of my mom's . that coat probably saved my life. certain moments of that time 30 years ago still seem like yesterday; the look on the faces of my mom & dad as they entered the room, the sudden awakening to pain, the gentle & remarkable touch from all the caregivers, the HUGE amount of love that poured forth from Chuck's family ... particularly his sisters, the immediate anger & shock from our friends that then morphed into this ribald humor & vigilance. 
and i so remember lying in that bed & watching the sparkly snow at night and the surrender of all control to something more, something bigger. 
some serendipitous things later surfaced ... that there was an ambulance a block away that saw the accident happen, that in a big major-metro area, they took us to a hospital where a dear doctor/friend happened to be the one on call & he recognized us immediately , and of course, the wearing of the big fur coat. 


ultimately, i would have hypnosis to recall & deal with the trauma from that night in a more healthy, more positive fashion and ultimately ... i would come to still feel the vibrations of that event 30 years later in oh so many ways . 
life is amazing, and sometimes the balls are fun & easy to catch and there is blue sky all around 
... and sometimes they are fast & furious and we might not catch them at all. 
sometimes we grab & hold on fast and the game continues until the next bobble or bump. 
and sometimes we just have to let go, hold our arms wide & hope . obviously, there are many layers of meaning & story here ... like the drinking & driving thing. but there is so much more .
hold fast to those stories that come your way...
listen, laugh & love with all your heart.


  1. I completely get the whole experience here. The trauma and suffering of the event, the loss and shattering for the life you knew and struggling to adjust to the changes of the new one. The horror of having to relive those moments over and over again, but yet not know when they will rear their ugly heads. And the glorious, blessed freedom of release first through hypnosis and then through the writing and sharing of your story. Thank you for sharing your painful, human experience with us.

  2. Thank You so much Pixybug :) . ...
    surrendering to writing, and then pushing beyond the comfort zone have been milestones for me & letting this one rip out was difficult. thank you for spending the time to read & comment as i appreciate it very much.