portrait

. . . still that girl who gets picked last
too tall, too skinny to be good or fast
 at anything
she listens to led zeppelin & csn&y"
too much of a perfectionist
to swing the bat
to take a shot
to discover a way
to untie indigo knots
deep inside
perfection had to be instant
too blond & too weird
so much fear
knowing i had landed on the wrong fucking planet
cat stevens, heart & james taylor were my companions
all the while peering over the edge of souls canyon
playing at sex & seduction
 . . dressing up as a playboy bunny in pink lace & a fuzzy-white earmuff bra
i served kings & polar bears, little joe & yogi bear
i heard the silent desperation of the lost & terrified
wrapping my heart in thorns & glass armor
but it was there on my sleeve for all to see
silent,  everyone assumes apathy
& emptiness
ice coolness
but it is a feeling pounding & profound that trembles the earth  - paralyzing
tapped into something bigger, brighter, grand
is there ever a master plan ?
too much of everything
perfection becomes the mask, the game
and it's not about who gets picked at all
but who finally stands alone with pink lace, heart & a white earmuff bra

dreamtale

A train platform
It's cold
Early evening, antiqued & sepia
Movement, noise--a hurried pace
Movement
Left & right down, to & fro on this platform
Suddenly.... in one snapshot moment
We pass by one another
From my dreaming place it is :
Jack & Louise, Laura & Yuri
and
Yes, Bracken & Rebecca : serendipity falling
It's lightly snowing now,
Big, surreal flakes
We stop, turn & enfold
You wore a dark blue uniform
There were silver medals & it was simple but refined, elegant.
We were younger
Our arms entwine, treasuring tender hungry kisses, touching
Slowly, we walk in the direction you were heading,
People and trains,
Steam engines and bright colors,
Sounds & smells ; jarring & constant... food vendors, magazine stands,
shouts & whistles, people with dogs, birdcages ....
Findings & losings, large trunks & suitcases everywhere
Movement & cacophony
Rather hazy & no longer vital
There was this window--long & infinite above us
Aquarium-like from inside the large, ornate train station
Black & mahogany woods, glass, gold & reflections.
We paused to linger in a kiss; laughing , your eyes shining
When
suddenly
thru the window
I could see 3 young children. They continually shifted or morphed ;first 3 boys, then 2 boys and a girl, 2 girls and one wonder-eyed boy
Pressed against the glass
Their faces concerned, their clothing odd; shades of brown, yellow, beige, loose and layered with sweaters & heavy boots & stockings
I pulled away slightly & held your face
knowing I had to let you go on
without me.
Such a brief, bright respite,
That time & space of reaching home.
Hanging in that together-space, sure & rooted, all longing & desire lit & knowing
Parting - intense, private.
I was swallowed whole by your love
I held on to your hand until my steps forced us apart
Heavy snow swirled in cold & dense
swallowing everything
A train whistle sounds...